Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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