Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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