last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
