using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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