She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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