Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
