Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
