I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
