My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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