Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
