once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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