My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
