Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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