the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
