you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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