He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
