i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Randomize
