I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
