my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
