Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
