this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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