WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
