She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
