I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
