you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
