Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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