Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
