Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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