If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cannot find my penis.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
