she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
