this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
