it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
