I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
