I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
