i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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