apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
