The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
