we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
