one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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