11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
