If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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