Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
