I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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