Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your penis caused this!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
