My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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