I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
