I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
