i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
