1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
its liver damage thursday
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