Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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