watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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