just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
