I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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