My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
