Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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