Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
