I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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