I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Randomize
