the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
