so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bring me that man meat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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