break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
