True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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