What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
