lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
