i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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