chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
