hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
