You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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