I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
