brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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