get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize