tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
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look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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