New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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