I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
tell me about the fingering
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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