IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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