If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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