It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
