I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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