My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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