oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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