It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He better not be in your backpack
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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